This is an account of a parallel: the expedition as a mother and the exploration as a researcher. A diary that weaves together a truth generationally lived by billions yet still only understood by few, with the threads of intimate photography, mother’s testimonies, women’s brains, and neuroscience. A collection of science filtered through profound personal interpretation, as I believe it’s human’s struggle that can give science greater meaning and life beyond the paper.

Flirting with the existence of the greatest unconditional love recorded, I’m trying
to show you things I can’t understand. I’m drawing and coloring states and feelings with the erroneous colors of impure analog photography. Undisturbed, collaging motherhood with science. No myths, no expectations of glory.

I’m reaching for the reinvention or re-envision of becoming a mother. The transparency of knowing that all senses become out of play. We mutate. We evolve. Mothers see the unpredictable that is supposed to be predictable. Cruel optimism which is beyond the range of most other people. Call it biological coping or an interplay of enlightenment. Euphoric naivety.
Let’s also call it progression, recognition, justice, and love.

Every person in this world has been birthed by a woman. All 8 billion of us have, universally and undeniably, come out of a woman’s body. Never a subjective pleasure, still today a hazardous occurrence. Yet a miserable 4% of all the worldwide research and development funds used in the healthcare sector go to women’s health. If we exclude the research and development funds for breast cancer, we are down to a modest 2% (1).

This publication is my catharsis. I’m searching for healing, for mending, for purity, for contemplation. Clarity. A confrontational longing for understanding what has happened. The mental states, the triggers, the discursive capacities, the over-intoxicated senses, the urgency, the desire. It’s in our core; it takes over our already depreciated bodies.

Yet, this publication exists in your hands not as a book but as a physical manifestation of my heartbreaking rebellion. A rebellion battling the lack of awareness, lack of research, lack of education, and lack of empathy. A rebellion against the ongoing structural systems which continuously fail families with their most basic humanity all around the globe.

We will reveal ourselves invincible soon. This is mi diario.